The blessing of sharing

 

Well, hello!

It's been four years since I last wrote a post, but I felt so strongly to share something today that would be too much and too long to share in a simple Facebook post, and as I was thinking about it I was reminded of this space that I once used to share what God was doing in the life of my family. 

So, here goes...

Many know that back in 2012 Owen and I had a miscarriage, and for anyone who has gone through the same or similar my heart goes out to you. If you ever want to talk about it with someone who has at least some understanding of your experience of loss, I am so happy to listen and to chat. 

In 2017, while talking with a friend who was experiencing a loss, I was prompted to see if there were new services available to women going through miscarriage in our town of Newbury. When we were going through our loss there were no services available to access,  and in 2017 there was still very little support available. What I did find, through the Miscarriage Association website, was that at John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford, they had a programme where women who had gone through miscarriage could input into the training of future doctors by sharing their experiences with the fifth year medical students. I was so keen to get involved with this, especially as our experience in the hospital had not been a good one, and this gave me an opportunity to perhaps positively influence someone else's experience down the line. I got involved straight away and have been doing it ever since. 

Fast forward 6 years, to today, I have just returned from another session of talking to medical students about our experience and I am so humbled by God's touch, and wowed by His presence in that room today. Tears are coming to my eyes as I think about it. 

When I share with students I mention to them that I am a Christian and that the support of other Christians and our church were key in helping me to come through the miscarriage. I had a conversation with the course director a few years back where I had asked her if she was happy for me to talk about my faith, to which she was really sweet and gave me her blessing. 

Today, was no different, I shared with the small group I was with that I was a Christian and how the support and prayers of Christian friends and family had carried me through. Today though, I had two Christian girls in my group! They came to me after the session and wanted to know more! They wanted to know the details of how God had carried me through, whether it had strengthened my faith and they even encouraged me to share more of those details with future students. If, by any small chance, they ever happen to read this, Blessed and Francesca, thank you for your encouragement!

After every session all the Patient Tutors (that's what we're called) gather together to feedback and debrief with each other, which is often a beautiful time together and gives us space to share with each other about the details the session has brought to the surface for each of us. Having spoken with the two girls from my group I went to join the debrief and, filled with encouragement from Blessed and Francesca, took the opportunity to ask the other women how they felt about me sharing the faith details of my story with the students in future. I was given the perfect opportunity to share with these women a small testimony about how God had been at work in my life in the midst of our loss! 

The theme that had arisen several times in today's session was mental health, and the impact a miscarriage can have on us. I had shared with the whole group that my mental health had significantly dipped after our loss. That grief had washed over me in waves and the constant backwards and forwards to the hospital had taken its toll. But up in York a lady, who I had never even met, but who was a friend of my mums, had been praying for me. She had also been through a miscarriage. She sent me a message one day saying that she had received a picture from God for me, an image that He had planted in her mind, of a small yellow flower growing up out of a crack in a boulder. She wasn't completely sure of its meaning, but perhaps along the lines of God bringing beauty of a hard time. She wondered if it had a particular meaning for me. 

My mind went immediately to a chapter in a book called Hinds Feet on High Places, an allegory about a character called Much Afraid on her walk with the Shepherd (Jesus) to the High Places. On this journey she goes through trials and struggles as well as moments of beauty and blessing. One section of her journey is to walk through the desert, or tough times, which take her off course on her journey to the High Places. She is angry and upset at this detour, but as she learns the lessons of the desert, how it refines us and draws us closer to God, she comes across a small yellow flower growing as a result of a small drip from a pipe. No other flowers or plants are growing in the desert except for this on yellow flower. As she asks the name of the flower, the reply comes, "Acceptance with Joy". As I read those words when I looked back to that chapter, I felt an immediate lightness. The weight and sadness I had been feeling lifted. I knew in that moment that Jesus was walking with me through all that we had gone through, and that by His Spirit he was pouring out His peace and love on me. I knew that I could carry on. 

I shared this testimony with the other Patient Tutors. They were touched by the story and also encouraged me to share this with future students as it was such a significant part of my journey.  I came away with such a strong sense that God had been so at work in our time together this morning and that it was important to share this. What a blessing and so humbling to be able to share a small part of my testimony with these ladies, and to be encouraged to share that testimony with future students. Just amazing to have that door opened even further. 

If you have made it this far, thank you for reading! This may be a one off, coming back to the blog, but I have so loved sharing with you. 

Huge blessings on you, 

Rachael xx