I come to write this post feeling tired. Eyes half closed and a little unsure of what to tell you next. So I'm just going to start writing and trust that God will give me the words.
I left you last time, at the end of that first week, with unknowns. We didn't know if Owen had a tumour or if it was swelling on the brain. We were waiting for dates for scans. We didn't know if he had been referred to John Radcliffe or if this was going to be dealt with by Royal Berkshire.
The next couple of weeks answered a few of those questions. Firstly we received a letter from Royal Berkshire saying that Owen would have an MRI scan at West Berkshire Hospital (in Newbury, Praise the Lord!). Then a week later we received a letter from John Radcliffe saying that Owen had an appointment there with a neurosurgeon the following week! Slight confusion over appointments set by two different hospitals but hurrah for opportunities to get some answers!
I personally was so pleased that we had the appointment at John Radcliffe. It put my mind at ease knowing that we would be able to get the opinion of some of the top specialists in the country. This letter arrived on 25th June (having been written in the week after his seizures!) and the appointment was for the 28th June! So we didn't have to wait long!
Tuesday came round and Owen's mum came to take him to Oxford for his appointment. I went into town with the kids taking them to Camp Hopson (Newbury's department store) toy department to look at all the toys. The two sales ladies were amazing and chatted with Quinn and Jonah, allowing them to play with some of the toys they had on display.
It's funny, I did not expect this part of the story to make me feel emotional, and yet here I am with tears in my eyes! I think looking back on it those ladies had no idea how helpful they were being in paying Quinn and Jonah so much attention. They were my angels that day. Offering me a little bit of strength while I waited to hear from Owen.
As we left the toys behind and did a couple of errands Owen rang to tell me how the appointment had gone. It was definitely a tumour. They had reviewed his original scans and were certain that it was a tumour, not swelling.
He did say that the seizures were a positive thing, that they were the very earlest indication of the tumour, that we had been alerted to its presence early on. He also said that from the scan they could tell that it was not cancer! Woowoo!
A lot of what was being said was positive; not cancer caught early, easy to remove. And yet I felt like I was being told again for the first time that Owen had a tumour. It hit me hard! Walking back to the car park I had to really try hard not to cry. I had to remind myself that nothing had changed, God was still in this, His hand was on every detail of what was happening and what was to come.
When I got home I managed to get hold of my sister to update her on what was going on. As I spoke with her God seemed to be at work because my initial shock and fear that had come over me after speaking to Owen was very quickly replaced with the peace and the knowledge that God has got this! It was going to be okay!
As I managed to get hold of my parents and a few friends, the more I talked about it the more confident I became.
Owen had invited two of our elders from church round that evening so that we could cover this new information in prayer. Our time with them was really lovely and we talked through where things were at, allowing us to process it all.
They prayed with us and as they did I was reminded of the verses that are also part of a song that say "His eye is on the sparrow." I saw a picture of an eye, with the silhouette of a sparrow in the centre of the eye. The verse this relates to is Matthew 10:29, " Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."
Even sparrows do not fall outside the Father's care! What encouragement! How marvellous to be confident in the knowledge that we are safe in the Father's care.
Having come to write this post with no idea what I was supposed to write I seem to have found the words! I hope that our story as I am recording it is making sense. If anything doesn't make sense please do feel free to ask, whether it's about the medical stuff or our faith. We will gladly attempt to answer any and all questions.
For now I think it might be time for bed!
So thank you for reading and until next time God Bless and much love.
Rachael xx
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