Let Me Be Singing When The Evening Comes

Dear Friends and Family,


I would like to begin by saying thank you for your encouragement in writing this all down. I pray that it is in some way a blessing for you to know how your prayers are being answered.




I would also like to thank those of you who have liked my Facebook page. These technological things are not really my forte but I think it's set up in a way that serves the purpose! The link for my page is https://www.facebook.com/onwingslikeeagles/ if you wish to follow my writing via Facebook.
 


And so....the next chapter of the story. Deep breathe! This particular post is going to be the hardest to write, the biggest release, and I may just cry the entire time I'm writing it, so I apologise for any typo's, I may not be able to see the screen properly through the tears. But as with this whole story I know God will enable me to write what needs to be written in a way that gives Him all the glory and without too much trauma on my part!




On the 3rd June, which happened to be during half term, we had had a normal day of doing odd jobs and popped out to get our normal Friday night pizza from Sainsbury's deli counter. We came home, unpacked the shopping and got the garlic bread in the oven and the corn on the cob going on the hob.  We were all a bit tired, it had been a busy half term, Owen especially so with getting up to write reports at the crack of dawn and Jonah not sleeping properly. But on the whole everything was normal. We sat down to eat, and as Owen reached round to get Jonah's corn for him our evening took turn for the worse. At first I thought Owen had dislocated his shoulder, he had complained of pain in his shoulder for a while, and his reaction looked as if he was in extreme pain. I panicked, thinking I'd have to help him get it back in somehow, so I'm asking what he needed me to do. Jonah is standing up in his highchair watching and crying and Quinn is crying behind me. Within a matter of seconds he went from this to a full body convulsion. I immediately rang for an ambulance. The man I spoke to on the phone was amazing, so calm and spoke with me until the ambulance arrived. Meanwhile Owen is still fitting, his tongue appeared to have swollen and he at one point went grey as it blocked his airways. I yanked him sideways and forwards to open his airways and then thankfully the ambulance arrived.




And another deep breathe.




The first responders started to assess Owen and ask me questions. I quickly sent messages to several friends and family to ask for prayer, also contacting a couple who work for our church and live over the road to ask if they could come and just be with me and the kids in the house. As I did this Owen went into a second fit. I took Quinn and Jonah upstairs so none of us had to watch it all happen again. I will tell you this, it is the scariest thing I have ever seen. Watching Owen have those fits and having no idea why, or what they meant. Watching him all I was thinking was this is just not my husband, it doesn't look like him. It was like watching a horror movie.


By now the second ambulance had arrived, meaning there was a total of 4 paramedics in the house.
I went between the children and the paramedics as they updated me on what was happening with Owen. I was asked if it was likely that he was on drugs as his current symptoms were consistent with a bad reaction to recreational drugs!
They kept telling me that Owen was "agitated"!  Major understatement!! He was fighting the paramedics, all 4 of them! Two of them were ex-military and rugby players! They came out sweating! Their comment, "He's a strong lad isn't he?!".


They eventually got him into the ambulance but couldn't go anywhere while he was still "agitated"! They gave him a sedative...it didn't come close to calming him! The air ambulance flew a doctor in to give him a second dose of sedative. Eventually he was calm enough to transport to Royal Berkshire Hospital in Reading. I was even able to speak to him briefly before he left, he was completely clueless with no idea what had happened.


By now a couple of other friends had arrived to help in any way they could, and Owens parents had both arrived. The pizza, by the way, was a solid black Frisbee by this time...cheese on toast instead!
I put all my focus on getting Quinn and Jonah to bed, giving them some normality, and when they were asleep I went to the hospital with Owen's parents. So grateful not to have to drive myself, I felt so sick.


When we got to the hospital we were told that Owen had had a third seizure. He was in and out of sleep. Initially he knew we were there but still seemed very confused. The longer we were there the worse he seemed to get. He was violently sick, which if you know me well enough you'll know I found that particularly hard. At one point he sat up looking scared and had no idea who we were. He didn't know me.


Deep breathe.


Being in that cubicle in A&E pushed me to my limit. I had to keep going outside for fresh air. I felt so sick and my whole body was completely tense. But we couldn't leave until we had the results of the CT scan that had been done just before we had arrived. It sounds awful to say that I wanted to just get away from the hospital, but the whole environment made me feel so scared.


Eventually, at 00:30 we were told that the scan showed a mass on Owen's brain, a tumour. I felt numb. What do you do with that piece of information?! I didn't do much with it, I couldn't take it in!


I said goodnight to Owen, though he was sleeping. We went home. I went to bed and tried to go to sleep. I sang over and over 10 000 Reasons by Matt Redman in my head.


                        Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me
                         Let me be singing when the evening comes.


It was a long night and only the comforting presence of my little boy at 5am when he came in for a feed helped me to get some more restful sleep. All I could hold on to was that my God, who had warned me the storm was coming, would also see us through it safely.


And so...there you have it. The beginning of our storm. I'm sorry it was so long. If you have made it to the end, well done!


Until next time I pray God blesses you all.


Much Love


Rachael xx