Yes to 2017!

Dear Friends and Family,

Happy New Year to you all! I hope you all had marvellous Christmas and New Year celebrations.

It's been quite a while since I last wrote, partly because it just didn't feel right and partly because I didn't really know what to tell you. This week it suddenly felt right to update you again, something to do with the new year I think.

So, Owen went back to work 2 weeks before the school Christmas holidays. 2 weeks turned out to be a perfect amount of time for Owen to slowly get back into work before having a break again over the Christmas holidays. I have no doubt that this was God timing. Given that the date for the operation changed a couple of times and we had originally expected it to be in the summer holidays, it was only when we were given the date of the 27th October that it actually felt right. It felt like that was the date it was always supposed to happen but that human plans kept getting in the way.

Owen managed well with those first weeks back. He is in for 4 hours a day to begin with.  He felt tired at the end of the day, but the kind of tired you feel at the end of any busy day. He needed to rest in the afternoons but he wasn't falling asleep, just having down time. This was a relief for me as I had been uncertain about whether he was ready to go back to work. I was quite worried about him overdoing it and if you know Owen well you'll know that in the past there would have been significant risk of that! I have been pleasantly surprised about how well he has paced himself, how well he has been able to sense when he has needed to rest. Long may this continue! 
He has been back for a little over a week and will continue to work at 4 hours a day until the end of the month when it will increase to 6 hours a day.
Physically and mentally Owen has recovered well, the scar is looking amazing and his hair has grown  over it so that you can barely see it's there now. 

 There has been so much positive in all that has happened and I hope that has come across in my writing. We have a lot to be thankful for. However....I will say that I have never been so unbelievably glad to see the end of a year! (As I am sure many people will understand, many of you have through extremely tough years also!). It's a strange, exhausting and heart wrenching experience watching your husband go through this kind of experience. I can't compare it to anything I've ever been through before. It so completely consumes you and as we approached Christmas and new year I felt such a huge relief at reaching the end of the year. Relief and a range of emotions. I wasn't completely prepared for this, it kind of hit me all over again what we had faced over the last year and how incredibly blessed we are to be in the position we are now in with Owen recovering well. I cried. It helped! We can now put it behind us, it is so last year! Praise God! 

I think there will be one more update on this chapter of our lives, after Owen has his next scan and appointment, but after that I will be drawing this to a close. Drawing a line under it all so we can truly put it behind us. 

All that remains to say is....Bring on 2017!! I'm genuinely excited for the year ahead, whatever it may bring. I now know with absolute certainty that whatever comes our way God will see us through it with all that we need and way more. I'm so looking forward to what he has planned, it's gonna be good! 

I pray that the year ahead brings many blessings for you all.

Much Love

Rachael xxx

'Let Me Walk Upon The Waters'

Dear Friends and Family, 

I hope you are all well. It's been some time since I last wrote and I have actually tried to write this post twice already but struggled to finish it and to know how to update you. As you can probably imagine a lot has happened in the last few weeks and so it's tricky to summarise in just a short post, but I feel this is well overdue now and so I will do my best to give you the details and answers to prayer, 

I think I might start at the end! With the news that the tumour was not cancerous, that the surgeon is fairly certain that they removed the whole of it and that we can begin to live normally again! Praise God! Thank you all for your ongoing prayers and support! Again, so appreciated and needed throughout this whole process. 

Something that I do need to tell you that previously I have not talked about is that there is a second smaller tumour that is more embedded in the brain. We have known about it since the summer when Owen had his earlier scans but the surgeon has never shown too much concern over it. Now that we know that the main tumour was not cancer we can relax a little about this second one, however it is still there and does still need your ongoing prayers...please! 
The main tumour has been there for years and years it seems, perhaps even since Owen was born, and it has only now decided to make itself known, so if this is anything to go by then we may have years before the second tumour is any cause for concern, if it grows at a similar rate. If/when it comes to it, it would not be able to be operated on due to it's position and so Owen would have to go through chemotherapy and radiotherapy. 

So here's where your prayers are needed! We need a miracle! We need the second tumour to disappear please! 
Owen will have another scan in 3 months time, and then every 6 months after that to monitor what's going on. So we're praying that when we come to one of these scans it is just not there anymore!
Needless to say that the story is far from over! We definitely feel a sense of relief at the operation being over, in knowing we can start to live more normally again, but God is not finished with this story yet. I've no doubt that there's more for us to learn, more opportunities to speak of all that He's doing in us and in this situation, and more chances for people to be encouraged by their answered prayers when we update you. 

The Sunday after the operation I took Quinn and Jonah to church while Owen rested at home. We sang Oceans (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBJJJkiRukY) and it so described where I was at. At that point I was feeling broken, exhausted and fearful of the results of the biopsy of the tumour. We sang this song and I cried. As I listen to it now as I write I'm crying again. It's just as relevant now as it was two and half weeks ago, only now I'm not fearful. I'm not scared of the next chapter. As the song says,  
                   Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
                   Let me walk upon the waters 
                   Wherever You would call me
                   Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
                   And my faith will be made stronger
                   In the presence of my Savior.

I'm ready to say yes to whatever God has for us next. If that is a miracle I'm excited for it, if it's to face chemo and radiotherapy I know my God will lead us through and help us to 'walk upon the waters.'. 

If you're wondering about God and suffering, and how we trust him despite our circumstances, I'm not going to say it's easy but equally I can tell you that we absolutely could not have gotten through this with out the assurance of His love and the peace that passes all understanding and the knowledge that the creator of the universe was working in the situation to bring the best outcome. He did not give Owen the tumour, but He has brought about the best case scenario following a very serious operation. He has helped us to keep our eyes above the waves, to keep them fixed on the Lighthouse and to stay strong as a couple and a family. 

I may write a post in the future about the week leading up to the operation and the days around the operation itself, but I think I need a bit of time before I come to that! 

You never know, Owen may even write one himself to tell you a little bit from his perspective! 

Thank you again for your love and  prayers. 

Much love and Blessings

Rachael xx

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) lyrics © Capitol Christian Music Group

Songwriters: Joel Houston / Matt Crocker / Salomon Lighthelm 

Beginning of the End

Dear Friends and Family,

It's been a couple of weeks since I wrote anything, partly because I wasn't in the right frame of mind  and partly because I just didn't feel it was right. But now it feels appropriate to update you again and so I hope this finds you all well.

The last couple of weeks have not been easy. What has felt such a long way off over the summer is suddenly only a week away. Next week sees two visits to Oxford for more testing and the pre-op on Monday and Wednesday respectively, then the operation on Thursday.
When people have asked how we're doing over these past couple of weeks the only word that has come to mind is 'Looming!'. There's been a real feeling of the operation looming just ahead of us and all of a sudden we can't push the thought of it away any more. We can't push aside the little worries and anxieties that previously we've been able to ignore. Now, we have to face them. Head on! (so to speak!).

I'm not sure I can fully verbalise all those anxieties, but some were to do with Quinn and Jonah and the upheaval they will go through next week with us not being around for half the week, some to do with how full on it's going to be with going backwards and forwards to Oxford, the enormity and seriousness of the operation and the risks, and the unknown of the recovery and possible side effects. For Owen the worries come from concern of being in hospital for longer than expected and the tumour being  worse than they originally thought.
These things were coming into my head on occasion but I think the biggest demonstration of my personal fears has been made apparent physically rather than mentally. I have struggled to sleep well, I have had aches and pains, particularly in my back, I have felt distant and more fearful than I have felt since this all started. Horrible. Just horrible. It's crazy how your body takes on the stress of your mind, something I've talked about with a couple of friends recently.

Over this time I have come across the same verse over and over again. And of course I ignored it! Not intentionally, but I did! The verse was, 'Be still and know that I am God.'.
In other words, 'Stop! Focus on me in the midst of it all. Realise that I am God and have full control over this situation.'. But my mind was not in the right place to read this verse and actually apply it. I couldn't live in the truth of it. This verse has been really significant for me in the past so it was strange to read it and not be able to take it in and make myself be still in the midst of it all.

Mixed in with the  tiredness, physical struggles and worries hovering in the back of my mind there has been normal daily life stuff. Jonah has been ill, Quinn is still adjusting to the busyness of school and so by Thursday in the week is exhausted, and Owen has had several late finishes at school with parents evenings (which are fine but just that bit more to the tiredness). So on Sunday night when there was a call for those wanting prayer for healing to go and receive it I went. I asked for prayer for Owen's head (obviously!), but also for my back which had been particularly painful, almost feeling injured in some way. The lady who prayed for me had a picture (a vision) of an autumn leaf falling from a tree with the words 'Let it go!'. (I know all you Disney fans now have the song going through your head!). Initially I wasn't sure exactly what it might mean, but as she and others prayed more for me and Owen I began to realise just how much I was holding on to with regards to the operation. How much anxiety I had built up without realising. As I began to talk about it with ladies praying for me it all came flooding out, it was a relief. I still didn't feel at ease but it was a relief to have verbalised my worries.

As this last week has gone on I have felt a nudge to pray for our sleep, not just to pray for our sleep but to plead with God for consistently good nights. To be persistent in my prayers, I asked prayer for this in my last post also. I can tell you that these last 3/4 nights we have both had deep restful sleep, not disturbed by restlessness or by children (even though they have both woken or moaned in the night), even when we have woken in the night we have fallen back to sleep quickly and it hasn't affected our feeling of restfulness the next morning. So thank you for your prayers in this area, so much! I ask that you please keep praying for this over the next few weeks.

On Wednesday night, after I reinstalled the Bible app on my phone, now that I have a phone again, I read the last couple of days of the verse of the day. Monday's verse was, 'I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.' (Psalm 16:8). That was all I needed! It was one of those moments, of which I have only had a couple of times before, where I instantly felt the power of the words I was reading. I felt the able to face the next week. I can do this now! I'm ready! Next week can happen now because I'm ready for it! Let's do this!
Suddenly all the reassurance I'd felt at the beginning came flooding back and I felt the same peace and reassurance that all would be well, that the glory of God would be seen through what has to happen next week. God is good!
After reading the verse I had a little cry and all the physical tension was released also.

I would like to add that just because God has given me this peace and readiness to go through next week, doesn't mean I don't still feel the enormity of it. I know that Owen has a feeling of relief that it is finally here and that the beginning of the end is close, but that he also still feels the enormity of it too. It's the biggest, scariest challenge we have faced so far, both individually and in our marriage. If we didn't have God I genuinely don't know how we would have coped, or how we would face next week. Some may see belief in God as a crutch. But you know what, a crutch is designed to hold you up, support  you, give rest to the injured limb and enable you to walk through this life. My God does this and unbelievably more. I wouldn't be without Him.

So as we go into next week, we really value your prayers and knowing that so many of you are praying for us in this. Thank you again.

I'll update you as I'm able and give you reports of how the operation has gone.

Many Blessings to you all, Much Love

Rachael xx

Thank You!

Dear Friends and Family,


I feel it's right at this point to say thank you for reading and following our story. Knowing that you are supporting and praying for us is a huge encouragement.


The operation is three weeks from today and so I wanted to use this post to write our specific prayer requests; for the next few weeks leading up to the operation, the operation itself and for the recovery.


One of our biggest prayer requests for the next few weeks is REST!
This is really important on so many levels. Firstly, Owen has been told that it is really vital that he remain as rested as possible in order to prevent the risk of more seizures and that he must be rested for the operation itself.


Here's where the challenge lies...Quinn and Jonah!
So Jonah has always been a bit of a challenge on the sleep front! A combination of teething and growth spurts (which seems to be a constant state!!) have meant that sleep has just never been guaranteed with him!
Quinn was once an amazing sleeper, we were incredibly blessed with her as a baby. Since Jonah was born however, things have taken a turn for the worse, and more recently since all this has been going on I think this has definitely been an area of spiritual attack.
This last week particularly has been hard going with Quinn having picked up a virus that gave her a horrible cough that made her sick. Between being up with Quinn in the night while she was being ill and Jonah waking at 4.30am we got next to no sleep.
I'm not telling you this for sympathy, I'm telling you this because I really feel that if we hadn't been able to get away for a night on Friday and catch up on some sleep that Owen would have been at risk of having a seizure due to exhaustion. The timing of that night away and the prompting to book it absolutely felt led by God.
So, the prayer request here is that Quinn and Jonah sleep long and deep through the night, every night. Also, for good health and a protection against illness for all of us and a supernatural rest and relaxation leading up to the operation.


Our second prayer request is for complete peace and trust in God for all that lies ahead. That our hearts and minds be protected from the evil one. That the joy of the Lord would be our strength when we're tempted to listen to the lies and fall in to fear.


Thirdly, as we think about the operation, our prayer is that the tumour itself would be a completely self contained mass. That it would not be connected with the brain but that it would just be a mass sitting by itself, therefore enabling the surgeon to simply remove it without any concern over cutting into Owen's brain and causing potential damage.


Another prayer point regarding the surgery is that it will be the best it can be, that Owen will have the operation, be in overnight, come home and recover. That there will be no complications or unforeseen circumstances. That his recovery will be quick and uneventful.


Finally, we ask that you pray we keep our eyes fixed on the Lighthouse, that we wouldn't forget what we felt from the beginning, that this is about more than just us. That we are in His hands and He is using this for something amazing.


I think these are our main prayer needs. Once again, thank you for your on going prayer and support.


What a season we're in. As we face the changing of the seasons I pray you may see God at work in the details of your lives also.


Much love


Rachael xx

A High Place in the Desert

Dear  Friends and Family,


At the end of my last post I said I wanted to tell you about a word, a prophecy (knowledge about the future) I suppose, that I was given 11 years ago by a man I didn't even know.
Over the years I have gone back to it and read it but never felt that it was quite the right time yet. Earlier in the summer I came back to it again and it suddenly made sense. It felt right for now and what we're going through. It is also partly where the name of this blog comes from, On Wings Like Eagles.


I wondered if I should share the whole thing with you, but I have decided to as it may encourage someone. So here it is....


"The Lord is burdened with a huge love for you and He wants to pour it on to you so that you soak in His love-you simply need to take a step into his presence.
He has cared for you and nurtured you all your life (even if you were unaware of it). He holds you cupped in his hands, a small bird fully feathered and ready to fly, but just needing his reassurance. The Lord holds you high and launches you into the sky, because he knows you are ready, he has confidence in you and he is with you-He wants you to soar on the wings of an eagle. There are no limits!
As the Lord releases you into the air from a high place in the desert you are able to gain height and to use the thermals to soar-this helps you to see from afar the lush vegetation and the promise of new life."


He also gave this verse, Psalm 73:23-26
                            "Yet I still belong to you; you are holding my right hand. You will keep
                             on guiding me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.
                             Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on
                             earth. My health may fail and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains
                             the strength of my heart, he is mine forever."


There are couple of aspects of this that I want to talk about. Firstly, when I read this over the years I never really paid attention to the fact that he writes about being released from "a high place in the desert". Actually this is quite an important detail! If you describe a time of life as a desert time we can assume that it was hard and long and exhausting. It is in this desert time that we are in right now that God has chosen to pour out his love on me, on us, in a whole new way. It is in this desert time that he is reassuring me that I am ready for what he has planned for me and releasing me into it. We are where we are supposed to be. He is taking us to a high place so we can get a sense of being a part of something bigger.


There have been stretches of time where I have felt knocked down and a sense of being attacked over the last few months. A feeling of needing to be on my guard and praying at all times for protection over us all. But despite feeling attacked and exhausted with it all I have never once doubted God's love and protection over us. His hand in this and that all will be well in the end. But even though I have that trust and faith, my body and emotions don't always get the memo that they can be calm and relax! My body can be tense and my emotions can go haywire if I don't focus on Jesus.
I would absolutely describe this as a desert time. A hard and exhausting life experience with hard lessons to learn.


Secondly, "My health may fail and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart, he is mine forever." He is my strength, my joy, my peace, my Lord, friend and Father all at once. Clearly I forget this at times and try to go it alone, this never goes well for me!
But when I fix my eyes back on Him I am able to do so much more. I can be joyful in tough times, I can be who he has made me to be and I can see the bigger picture. I can bring myself into line with His plans and know that they are good.


He is doing an awful lot in our lives at the moment and it all feels part of the same story even if we can't fully see how it all connects.
But I guess what I want to finish with is this; don't limit God. Don't look at your earthly circumstances and be discouraged by them because God is already there, he's already acting on your behalf. Seek His joy and His strength and be excited about how he's going to use what you're going through. I couldn't have understood His love and joy if I hadn't first experienced this fear and sadness of our circumstances. Expect big things of Him. Expect miracles!


Wow, I so needed to write this post to bring myself back in to a place of joy and contentment in God. This blog malarkey is brilliant at bringing me back in to an attitude of gratitude!


So I will leave it here, and again if you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask. I pray this all makes some sense and isn't just ramblings!


Have a marvellous week!
Blessings and much love to you all.


Rachael xx

Encounter

Dear All,

 

I hope you are all well and enjoying the beginning of the change of seasons. There's something quite comforting about beginning to exchange flip flops for proper shoes! Or is that just me!?

Anyway! Onwards!

The summer has been a time of waiting and patience (or at least learning to be more patient!). Waiting for scan dates for tests and for an operation date. (For those of you who haven't read the last post we do now know that the operation will be on the 20th October.)

At that first appointment at John Radcliffe Hospital Owen was given the impression that all the scans would be done quite quickly through July and August and that we would then be given an operation date quite soon after they were complete and the results reviewed.

We finally received a letter to say that his first scan at John Radcliffe (his other scan was arranged through Royal Berkshire Hospital.), would be on 21st July, we only received the letter on the 18th. So again having waited a long time for the letter there wasn't long to wait for the actual appointment.

The day of the appointment Owen was thankfully given lifts to and from the hospital with a friend from church and his sister. I took Quinn and Jonah for a walk into town by the canal. I felt quite calm about the scan, I wasn't fearful. Praise God! But I was tired! Drained.

As we arrived into town and walked onto the high street from the canal right in front of me was a group of people with banners saying "Jesus Loves You!"

Now ordinarily I wonder a little bit about how effective this approach is at opening up meaningful conversations with people. On this occasion I felt quite curious about who they were, and if I would recognise anyone. As I was thinking this I was approached by a man (who I think was one of the leaders of the group) and a woman. One of the first things he said to me was "Do you believe in healing?". To which my reply was, "Funny you should say that!"

I explained what was happening and that Owen was having his MRI scan right at that moment and that we were praying for healing. They prayed for us right there and then. What a blessing!

He asked if he could take my number so that he could message me encouragement and so I could update them with prayer points.

Giving your number to complete strangers is mostly considered to be a bit stupid but it felt right to give it to them. As a group they were stepping out in faith by reaching out to people in town and offering to pray with them. The circumstances of  them praying for us in that exact moment made them a part of the story and I hope to be able to bless them with news of how their faithful prayers have been answered. Funnily enough I received a message from Jose yesterday asking how we were doing! Which reminds me, I really must reply....!

As we've waited for each new piece of information and each scan we've had those moments of impatience, as you would expect anyone to have in this kind of situation. What I think is important though is not just that we are learning patience, but that God is absolutely in control of every detail and every date. Had the scan been on any other day that group of people would not have been in town and I would never have met them. As it happens they were only visiting for a week and on retreat at St Cassian's in Kintbury. They were only in town for that one day. But the encouragement I received from them and their prayers in that moment were just what was needed and absolutely showed how God was acting in the details, pouring out his blessings.

It's truly amazing how many people God has used and spoken through in this story, from as far back as 11 years ago. People we know, and those we don't. Words of knowledge, wisdom, prophecy and encouragement.

I want to tell you about the word of knowledge I was given 11 years ago...but that will have to wait until next time!

I want to leave you with this verse;

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Blessings and Much Love

Rachael xx

Dear Friends and Family (and friends of friends and family!)


I hope this finds you all well.


I wanted to take the opportunity to talk a little about the prayers that we have already seen answered during the last few months.


One of the biggest prayers I had from the start was that I would forget. That the image I had in my head of Owen during his seizures and how he looked in the hospital on the Friday night would just be completely erased from my memory. Each time we saw people for the first time since it happened we obviously found ourselves in a position of retelling the story. Each time I recounted what had happened those images just came flooding back into my head. Horrid! The scariest thing I've ever seen being repeated over and over in my head.
Those who were praying for us, I so appreciate your prayers on this. I can now tell people what happened without seeing it in my mind's eye. I can recall the facts, and I feel the emotion of the moment, but without the horror of the image. Praise the Lord!!


When I read back over messages that I sent various people on the Friday night my prayer request was for a distinct lack of fear. I needed to be calm, peaceful and strong for Owen. God absolutely answered those prayers! There is no other explanation (in my mind!) for my calmness, especially in those first days. It was not only strange given our circumstances but also completely uncharacteristic! I've been known to be a worrier in the past! But my prayer now is that I don't forget God's goodness in this, that for the future I know God's love will carry me through all that life throws at me. "Who am I to worry when the King of kings and the Lord of lords is working on our behalf!"


Owen's biggest prayer requests in that first week were for answers. For a timescale for treatment. For a feeling for himself of God's reassurance that all would be well.
We received the answers we needed from that first appointment at John Radcliffe that I told you about in the last letter. To know that it was definitely a tumour, that it wasn't cancer and that there was a definite course of action gave Owen (us!) the answers we needed.
A timescale for treatment has only been answered more recently. As some of you will know, last week we received a date for the operation. 20th October. Although sometimes this feels like a long way off given we originally expected a date sometime in late August or early September, we know that ultimately the timing of the operation is in God's hands and that the doctors are confident that Owen does not need to be rushed through for the operation. We now have something to work towards.
Owen's feeling of encouragement from God that it would all be fine in the end came at our church away day. The speaker that  day was a visiting speaker, and he talked of the greatness of God. He spoke of miracles he had witnessed and how God had revealed himself. Of how God had given him faith for those miracles. What a perfect subject for the day! The greatness of God and the miracles he performs to this day! Reassurance that God was right at the centre of this and that he would act. That all would be well.


" And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose," Romans 8:28.


I realise that for some of you this may all sound a bit crazy. That we're convinced of answered prayer because that's what we want to believe. I understand that. All I can say, and make of this what you will, is that I have felt , and so has Owen, a sense of God being so close to us throughout this. His love, his protection, his hand on the little details. I hope that this is coming through in all the posts that I have written and will write because I absolutely want to give God the glory for all that he has done. All those little positives, the answered prayer and the sense of being carried through, they speak of God's goodness. I trust him for every step of the way, his hand is mighty to save!


Thank you for reading and I pray for a blessed week ahead for you all.


Much love


Rachel xx